Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Cash out.

Dear Treasury Department,

I hate 5 cent coins. They are the most useless of the small change.


For starters, most machines that you use that accept coins don't actually accept the 5 cent piece. They stop at 10 cents. Plus, most of the items in said machines cost $x.x0 anyway, so 5 cents are useless. they never give them in change.

And paying all in 5 cents is frowned upon. Either you spend ages at a machine, slipping tiny coins in as everyone lines up behind you and thinks, "Geez, what's this poor bastard doing?" Or you hand over a wad of them at a counter and the person behind the counter has to count them and they are never happy, neither are the people lined up behind you. Everyone is thinking,
"Geez, what's this poor bastard doing?"

Not even the bank tellers like 5 cent coins anymore. They get all snooty when you hand them over to be exchanged for normal money, like they're too good to count it, too good to even touch it.

But the worst thing is, you can't even give 5 cent coins away. If you give it to buskers/the homeless/charity workers, they look at you like you just spat on them. And rightfully so. It's like someone asking for some food when you have a whole sandwich and you give them a crust. Giving someone a 5 cent coin does not say, "Hi, I'm charitable." It says, "Hi, I want people to think I'm charitable, but really, I'm a cheap heartless douchebag." Giving away 5 cents is almost a hand-written invitation to the 'Why did you even fucking bother?' party.

You can't even give them away in a friendly gesture. Like if you approached someone and said, "Here, have these 5 cent coins." it wouldn't matter how many you gave them, it would still be a burden. Offer just one and they'll think it's a joke. A whole bag and its just an inconvenience that they have to take to the bank and suffer the condescending glares of tellers.

I personally have two stashes of 5 cent coins. One at my desk at work, and one next to my bed at home.

Help yourselves, because I sure don't want them.

Love,
Tom.

1 comment:

  1. You'd be surprised how desperate I am at the moment.
    I will take these five cent coins. They will probably triple the amount in my bank account...

    ReplyDelete